I'm not who the they is in my title, but since I started this blog with a "Once upon a time..." it seemed like the appropriate ending.
It's midnight. I'm sitting on my bed waiting for my laundry to be finished so that I can sleep. My belongings are packed away in boxes and I'm on the verge of another new year. Honestly I cannot believe it. It feels like this summer has just blown by. I mean when I take a look at everything that has happened (like my brother's wedding at the beginning of the summer) it feels like it has been forever. The prospect of going back to school tomorrow is just crazy to me, though. So soon? Not that I mind in the least bit, I'm stoked for sure. It's just weird, that's all. If summer classes and work and the more boring and less glamorous stuff of this summer flew by at such a rapid pace, then how much faster will school fly by? I mean I don't need to think about it, especially not like that, I've got to take every day one step at a time, but do you ever want to slow it down a bit? As great and wonderful as this summer has been, I'm glad it is over, I just don't want my school year to fly by that rapidly.
Ah the concluding blog post of the summer. What to say? I guess I should take a look at my goals....
1.Well. I made an A in Communications and not in Biology. So partial success. But only partial.
2. I had a room of the house to clean every day for the first 2 weeks, but after school and work started, that fell through and never came back up. So incomplete.
3. I played piano once. This entire summer. Needless to say I didn't learn any songs in that time frame.
4. I did Rosetta Stone for 2 weeks as well, again until school started. I made it through 4 lessons. That's it.
5. I finished 5 of the Harry Potter books and part of the 6th. But I still have some work to do.
6. I only memorized through verse 9 of Psalm 103.
7. I did nanny. Though not always without complaining or grumbling, but this part was the most fun.
8. I made bathroom signs for my floor. That's kinda like prepping for door decks, right? Ah no. You're right. Not really.
9. 3 chapters of Screwtape. Not exactly the whole book.
10. And I probably cooked a grand total of 3 times this summer. But never with Haley like we had planned.
When I look at the summer and its measure of success in these standards I'm pretty aware of the fact that I failed to fully complete any one of these things. It could be said that it was a really unsuccessful summer all in all. It's pretty easy to look at it like this. But through talking to a friend I've realized that my measure of success for the summer is being measured by the wrong standard. All these things are good, and would have been nice to finish them (I mean really, atleast one would have been nice.) but just because I didn't complete these things doesn't mean my summer was a waste. This summer has been pretty difficult for a lot of reasons. It has been a constant struggle to live my life in surrender and just an overall heartbreaking, growing, learning process. I'm becoming more aware of how very far from goodness I am, and how great that makes grace. I'm recognizing my constant striving to perfect my life and myself, rather than letting the author and perfecter of my faith take care of me and teach me. Part of me still feels very unprepared. This next year will bring its own struggles and victories, and will be filled with opportunities to do ministry all over the place. I know God has been prepping me in ways I can't even see yet, and I need to recognize that as a victory for this summer. It may not have been the glamorous, exciting summer I had been looking for, but I was placed where I needed to be when I needed to be there. That is just God's sovereignty. I've been beginning to redefine my standard of success in everything, not just the summer. What would be a success this school year? Getting A's (yes Mama, Daddy, I will try to do this!)? Making money? Becoming more cultured? Working out a certain amount? (Ha, good one, I know) I'm having to reevaluate what is best, and though these things are good and deserve a portion of my time, none of them are worth having goals over or striving for. They should just be fun bonuses in life. Not all of my life. It's like my buddy was telling me, though it was probably one of the hardest summers ever, it was a success. I could go all school year without any of those things and it could still be successful, but if I went an entire school year without seeking God, hurting some, struggling, working to grow while living in grace, well then it would be a complete and utter failure. My value, worth, and success is found ONLY in him.
I can honestly say that 2 months ago I cried at the prospect of having 2 more months of summer left being stuck in Dallas while everyone else was going off and doing exciting things with their lives. If only I had been able to see all the little ways God was working, I don't think I would have spent near as much time in tears. It makes it that much easier to trust him. At points it's still difficult but I keep reminding myself, he really does have my very very best in mind. Better than I could ever imagine. It's a pretty good reminder of how great he is. Just another instance of his faithfulness that I can add to my constantly growing list.
Well it is now 1am. I'm pretty pooped, not going to lie. And we've got a trek tomorrow! All the way to ARKANSAS!!!!! Whoooo :) Thank you all for being faithful readers, goodness knows why. I love you very much!
1 Peter 4:1-2
-Kelly
